A Confederacy of Dunces

I am still struggling to decide what sort of tone to adopt for this post. The way I see it, there are two viable options:

1.) Rant and rave. Fling expletives and insults at the Veteran's Committee. Swear a whole bunch. Call them names. Like stupid. 

2.) Opt for the "logical" or "appropriate" approach. Stick to the facts. Criticize, but maintain a careful journalistic objectivity. Praise Ron rather than drag the Committee through the dirt.

Well, I often have trouble making decisions when multiple options are in front of me. Large dinner menus give me severe anxiety. There's too many choices dammit.

I take long. I get yelled at. This happens constantly.

Considering this situation allows me a flexibility that no Thai menu can guarantee... I choose both. So let me start by saying this:

Attention:

Hank Aaron, Sparky Anderson, Luis Aparicio, Ernie Banks, Johnny Bench, Yogi Berra, Wade Boggs, George Brett, Lou Brock, Jim Bunning, Rod Carew, Steve Carlton, Gary Carter, Orlando Cepeda, Bobby Doerr, Dennis Eckersley, Bob Feller, Rollie Fingers, Carlton Fisk, Whitey Ford, Bob Gibson, Goose Gossage, Tony Gwynn, Monte Irvin, Reggie Jackson, Fergie Jenkins, Al Kaline, George Kell, Harmon Killebrew, Ralph Kiner, Sandy Koufax, Tommy Lasorda, Lee MacPhail, Juan Marichal, Willie Mays, Bill Mazeroski, Willie McCovey, aul Molitor, Joe Morgan, Eddie Murray, Stan Musial, Phil Niekro, Jim Palmer, Tony Perez, Gaylord Perry, Cal Ripken Jr., Robin Roberts, Brooks Robinson, Frank Robinson, Nolan Ryan, Ryne Sandberg, Mike Schmidt, Red Schoendienst, Tom Seaver, Ozzie Smith, Duke Snider, Bruce Sutter, Don Sutton, Earl Weaver, Billy Williams, Dick Williams, Dave Winfield, Robin Yount, Carl Yastrzemski

39.1% of you are stupid.

39.1% of those names I just HAND-FUCKING-TYPED (stupid blogger copy and paste function... bet you didn't count on my overwhelming tenacity... I'm an American, dammit, it's in my nature) are conceited, arrogant, self-centered pricks with extra tiny wieners (journalistic integrity is now no longer a possibility.)

Of course Ernie, Ryno, Fergie, and Billy are all innocent. You were included simply for continuity's sake guys, my apologies. Blame some of your committee members. Like Mike Schmidt. Who's stupid and dumb and ugly and probably gay.

And perhaps some of this is a satirical take on the prevalence of childish name-calling in contemporary sports media.  

Or maybe Mike Schmidt's just a big douche-head, I don't know.

Moving on to Ron. I've heard plenty of perfectly legitimate arguments by former players, sportswriters, and fans in Ron's favor. One I found particularly essential was the Top 10 argument.

Now, in this "Hall of Fame," you would figure they would make it a major priority to include, say, the ten best players from each individual position that the game has seen in it's 139 year history. Does that sound logical to you? It certainly does to me.

Can you name ten better third basemen than Santo?

Can you name seven?

And how many of them had to go against guys like Koufax and Marichal (Santo's career line against Juan: .296 BA, 7 HR's 18 RBI in 115 AB's)?

Then there's the whole, you know, debilitating disease thing...

This entire debacle has just become so damn political, so... cliquey.

It's like a fucking episode of Saved By The Bell for God's sake. Maybe 90210? Degrassi?

What does Ronnie have to do to be one of the cool kids?

Did all those heel clicks really hurt their feelings?

I read Rick Morissey's take on all this, and as played out as the bittersweet misery that is Cubdom may be, the idea that Ronnie is the epitome of this ideal is somewhat valid. However that is not the central issue in my mind.

The central issue, or at least what should matter at the end of the day, is that from a purely statistical standpoint, there is NO FUCKING WAY to justify keeping this man out of Cooperstown! It makes no SENSE!!!

Read this explanation by famed baseball historian Bill James and you will understand.

So help me God, if these fucks sit on their thumbs until Ronnie passes and then decide to vote him in... 

It's despicable. There's just so much to disagree with. Jim Gordon, the Yankee second baseman who was just voted in? The almost unanimous consensus was that the man deserves to be there. Has deserved to be there.

He has been dead for thirty years. 

Thirty Years!!! Why, pray tell, was it necessary to wait all this time?

I can't help but recall Harry's Caray's old vow: Cooperstown while I'm alive or leave me out.

The Veteran's Committee has plenty to learn.

Stop staring at yourselves in the mirror, take that sign off your treehouse, and give Ron Santo what he deserves for God's sake.

And give it to him while he's still here to see it.

Not exactly objective I suppose, but I gave it a shot.