Would You Rather...

First, on a random note, here's some advice:

When you buy a Crockpot, and you live by yourself, and you're at the supermarket gathering materials for a pot roast recipe that allegedly serves 6-10 people, don't shrug that information off. Don't assume that you can, or will want, to eat enough pot roast to feed a moderately sized Mormon family. You can probably finish it off eventually, but it will take some serious creativity and a whole boat load of tenacity. Not to mention you will grow enormously tired of pot roast.

(If anyone wants some, drop me a line. I'll cram it in an envelope and express mail it to your home.)

Moving on.



This is the beginning of a new installment here at The Gettin' Place. You all know, I trust, or are at least vaguely familiar with how the "Would You Rather" game is played.

Well it's not really a game per say... it's more of an exercise. My friends and I used to spend countless hours posing serious social quandaries to one another... quandaries that could have only one of two possible outcomes. This invariably led to some stimulating and generally hilarious discussion. Now, if you're thinking these are your stereotypical drinking game booklet questions about eating bugs and hygiene and perverse sexual activity... for the most part, you're off base. For example, one of our time tested regulars was whether you would rather strangle your dog to death or stab a homeless man... I'm going to refrain from diving into specifics on that one.

Anyways, I feel this site could be a great forum for discussion on these matters. I heartily encourage all of you reading to contribute to the debate in the comments section at the end of this post. I also must stress--and this will be my final point before I get down to business--that you can take these situations as far outside the box as you see fit. I'm sure you'll figure it out and this will all go swimmingly...

So without further ado, here's our first question, posed to me by my friend Zilla, a true visionary of the "would you rather" art form:


Would you rather be able to fly or have a credit card that you would never have to pay the balance on?



The details on flight:


Your power of flight is very similar to that of a commercial airliner, speed-wise. You top out at 500 mph. You are not effected by temperature or altitude. You are free to fly whenever, and wherever, you please. You can even take ladies up into the air with you-- a la Superman or Aladdin minus the carpet--for romantic purposes. My immediate retort was in regard to the difficulty level of carrying a woman in the air for an extended period of time. (And I should pause to say, ladies, you can take men up there too if you see fit, but I have a strong feeling they may feel a bit effeminate being carried through the clouds and will, as a result, object your flight proposition. Of course, there can also be same sex air trysts... I don't judge.) I figured that without super strength, it may be a bit strenuous carrying someone around like that. Having to piggy back your baberham of choice would probably drop the romantic value of the excursion several notches. However, my friend and confidant assured me that when it comes to taking people into the sky, you are temporarily granted the ability to carry your passenger without difficulty. So you've got that going for you. Which is nice.

There are limitations of course. No breaking the sound barrier obviously. No Outer space.

Still, you can use your power however you please. For the good of the land, for personal benefit and monetary gain, for evil, whatever. The choice is yours. But mind you this:

"With great power, comes great responsibility" -Uncle Ben, Spiderman


The details on the card:


This is not just an infinite supply of money, let's get that straight right off the bat.

Well... it kinda is. Here's the deal:

You have a million dollar limit per month. And to quote Zilla, "you can't buy companies or islands or shit like that." This is not a black card ladies and gentlemen, there are rules. Under no circumstances are you allowed to make a cash withdrawl. Nothing but swiping. If you can't swipe it, you can't have it. Swipety swipe swipe, swipety-doo.

Much like the power of flight, you can use your plastic however you see fit.

However... I implore you... ALL OF YOU...

Beware of hangers-on! Succubi and various other bloodsucking parasites draining your lifeforce, always begging, pleading, tugging at your shirt for handouts... asking you to buy Jagerbombs, over, and over, and over again! Soon you'll be swiping flapjacks for everyone at brunch! Annoying the shit out of every cab driver who makes the unfortunate mistake of scooping you and your entourage from the local watering hole! What's that? No, sorry Mr. cab driver. I don't have any cash.

Plus, you'll have to buy nachos at the ballpark for entire rows of spectators. A virtually endless trough of nachos!

Think about THAT!






So there. Your possibilities have been placed before you. Now you must choose your destiny. What path would I choose? After some serious deliberation, I eventually changed my mind and decided to opt for the power of flight. My reasoning? I'm sure you could raise plenty of scratch, one way or another, with your soaring ability. Plus, you get to fly. Which is really very fun I think. But enough about me. How do YOU feel?

Make yourself heard.

That is all.